


now the sky could be blue, i don't mind (without you it's a waste of time)

by orphan_account



Series: it's kinda hard not to like, get fucking cheesy on this shit but, does that even matter? [5]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, M/M, as usual, niall's just sad and misses his boyfriend tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-02 23:39:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2830214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I know you aren’t thrilled. About not being here.” Harry said and Niall shrugged even though he wasn’t, even though he wanted that so bad with Harry. Someone only turned eighteen once and yeah him and Harry hadn’t celebrated Niall’s eighteenth but they were still fresh then… they were different. And now they fit together and Niall couldn’t even bloody kiss his bloody boyfriend on his eighteenth fucking birthday. It was unfair really. </p><p>--</p><p>Or the one from Niall's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	now the sky could be blue, i don't mind (without you it's a waste of time)

**Author's Note:**

> so guys i don't know i felt like i needed one from Niall's POV (this won't be the last one tbh) cuz I feel like in all the other stories in this verse i make niall seem confident and carefree and all that but he's not? i mean he's actually a super flawed character and he's actually not that great at relationships and harry is the first boy he's ever loved and he's never seen a good thriving relationship around him and he's not good at trusting people and idk the niall in my head is so much more complex and well rounded than the niall on the screen, my harry too. like they're both eighteen year old boys and trust me one of them is going to fuck up big time but till then they're just trying to make things work you know so ahh so so sorry for the rambling.

He didn’t want to leave in January because he knew what leaving meant, leaving meant that the next time he’d see Harry it would be March. It would be March and Harry would finally be eighteen and Niall wouldn’t have experienced it with him, it would be March and his stomach will ache when he flirts with the Swiss boys from out of town just because, and it would be March and Niall would be very very lonely.

So it wasn’t his fault that he hung on way longer than necessary at the airport and it wasn’t his fault that he actually cried like a proper child. Harry looked like he wanted to too but hey Niall was crying enough for the both of them and Josh who’d been hovering the whole trip like a pit bull was actually giving them their space. He wanted to miss his flight, he wanted Harry to take him home, he wanted to eat popcorn and watch movies like they always did. His neck felt heavy with the dog tag around his neck, a gold one that Harry had gotten him for Christmas with an H engraved into it. Leaving was the hardest part of coming.

“It’s time to go now.” Harry whispered in his ear even though he didn’t sound much better than Niall felt. Niall hung on for a bit longer before pulling away and wiping at his eyes quickly and fruitlessly because Harry had seen. Niall didn’t think it was fair for one boy to be that pretty, so freakin’ effortless. Niall’d never had someone but then came along Harry and he was Niall’s person his favorite person. He realized he was staring when his flight was announced once again. “You’re going to miss your flight.” Harry said eyes shiny smiling at him.

“Who cares?” Niall asked because honestly who did? He knew he didn’t. He turned to Josh who had an eyebrow raised whilst tapping his watch. He turned back to Harry, “March.” He whispered.

“Yeah March.”

“I’m going to miss your birthday.” Niall said and Harry quirked his lips up in a semblance of a smile.

“I’ll forgive you.”

“I’ll miss Valentine’s day.”

“Every day can be Valentine’s day if it makes you feel better.”

“Niall, honestly it’s time to go. I really really hate to break this up but we’re going to miss our flight.” Josh said butting in and ruining the moment. He did sound sincere though which didn’t make Niall as mad and he was right. He pressed his lips to Harry’s once more and tugged on his hair.

“I love you.” He said and Harry barely had time to say it back before Josh was tugging him away rushing. He kept turning back trying to catch a glimpse of his boy but it was the day after New Year’s and it was busy and he lost Harry in the sea of people.

He cried the whole flight through.

\--

_January._

Niall couldn’t focus in classes. He fidgeted too much and he kept thinking a lot about what Harry could possibly be doing right then. He was good at trig but his grades were slipping and all he could do was bury himself in his bunks, didn’t even bother going out with the boys on the weekend to the roller rink or sometimes when the snow was just perfect they’d go out on the ice. But skating was his and Harry’s thing and he felt like it was betrayal.

He stalked Harry’s Instagram a lot… and his Twitter… and his Pinterest because of course Harry had a fucking Pinterest. Harry tweeted a lot of obscure song lyrics to Niall that made his heart hurt and his favorite by a long shot was: _wait, they don't love you like i love you._ He listened to it a lot now that song especially when he was missing Harry the most and he kept thinking about him oceans away with his dangerously handsome friends and beautiful leggy girls back in New Jersey and his affinity for being so damn fucking charming all the fucking time.

And Niall… Niall was good at putting up fronts and looking stronger than he really was. He’d learned it from his mother. He didn’t like people mostly his boyfriend knowing about his ridiculous codependent behavior and his jealousy so much of it that he’d go to sleep thinking about Harry cheating and wake up thinking about it and then his whole day would be ruined because Harry in his dream had cheated on him. He wasn’t supposed to be insecure, he was supposed to be confident and beautiful and care free but sometimes pretending got so hard.

He knew Harry didn’t appreciate the Skype calls as much as Niall did but Niall cherished them, had begun recording them just so he could play them back and watch the way Harry’s eyes crinkled when he said something or when he was just looking at Niall all intense and such. Niall liked the little text messages he got during the day with Harry sending him random facts or mixes on 8tracks that reminded him of them or just really obscure things that he knew Niall would love like how to play Birthday by Katy Perry on the guitar.

January was cold and Switzerland was cold and he was incredibly sad and incredibly tired of being so incredibly far.

_February._

On February First Niall made sure that no matter what their time differences he was the first person to wish Harry a happy birthday. Niall didn’t care that he had to wake up at six in the morning to Skype Harry gosh for Harry he’d do anything. They barely talked what with Harry looking tired of his mind and his eyes drooping and Niall lazily playing him Happy Birthday on the guitar or whatever song he requested.

“We aren’t dancing queens anymore.” Niall said with a small pout and Harry smiled making Niall fallfallfall.

“Guess not.”

“What are you going to do? For your birthday?” Niall asked.

“Been thinking of getting another tattoo. Obviously mom isn’t thrilled but…” and Harry just trailed off with a small shrug.

“What of?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“I don’t think you should be giving birthday surprises on your own birthday, babe.” Niall said wistfully, laying down and getting comfortable. Harry looked even better sideways. Niall giggled.

“You’ll like it. I hope.”

“If you want it you get it. Long as it isn’t my face.”

“How about if it is your face?”

“My face isn’t good enough for your precious arm.” Niall said through a yawn.

“Your face is perfect. You’re stunning.”

“Thanks,” Niall said through a laugh even though his face was flushed from the sincerity. “You’re not too bad yourself.”

“I know you aren’t thrilled. About not being here.” Harry said and Niall shrugged even though he wasn’t, even though he wanted that so bad with Harry. Someone only turned eighteen once and yeah him and Harry hadn’t celebrated Niall’s eighteenth but they were still fresh then… they were different. And now they fit together and Niall couldn’t even bloody kiss his bloody boyfriend on his eighteenth fucking birthday. It was unfair really.

“I always miss you. I’ll live.”

“Please do. I’d miss you too much if you died.”

“You’re a dork you know that? A proper dork.”

“A dork that you’re in love with.”

Niall chuckled lowly, “you got that right.”

They both ended up falling asleep in front of the camera.

The tattoo ended up being of a small quote on Harry’s hip: “you put up with me even when you don’t have to,” something Niall had texted him once way back when. Niall didn’t even remember why he’d texted it but Harry even got his initials with it. It made Niall miss him more.

It also didn’t help that Valentine’s Day was in February and he still couldn’t see Harry and do cheesy shit with Harry and go to the New Jersey pier with Harry cold but so so in love. He was hopefully depressed. They’d never gone this long without each other and Niall didn’t like it, made him doubt himself, made him a bit more insecure. He’d stalk Harry’s social media accounts like religion looking for a sign that Harry was going to cheat on him or was currently cheating on him so every time Harry called or Skyped he’d be snappy and it would end up in a fight and he’d go to sleep angry and upset.

Harry would of course call him the next day because Niall was extremely stubborn and he’d apologize for whatever it was Niall had accused him of this time and it wasn’t like Niall liked arguing with Harry he didn’t get to reap benefits like great makeup sex or something but he couldn’t help it. He’d pester and he’d annoy till Harry would yell at him and he’d use that as a reason to get even more upset.

One night as him and Harry yelled over the phone because of Niall’s recent accusation of Harry getting too close to Layla that one girl who let them borrow the boat back in September Niall had yelled, “I hate you!” In a fit, an angry jealous fit and Harry had hung up causing Niall to throw up the contents of his stomach and not get a wink of sleep.

Harry didn’t call him or Skype him for a whole three days and he felt like his world was falling apart. But when Harry finally did he looked miserable and Niall felt miserable and they both cried, ugly stupid crying especially Niall but it was okay because they were okay.  And he was so getting tired of Josh’s, “trouble in paradise?” questions like god.

It was also then that Niall realized the honeymoon phase of his and Harry’s relationship was over and he honestly had no clue as to how to feel about that.

_March_

Harry told him about his dad in the beginning of March after they’d made up during one of their particularly nasty fights… well he didn’t tell Niall of just his dad he told Niall of his dad and his mom. He told Niall that the earliest memory he remembered of his dad was him telling Harry and his sister to go upstairs and then Harry would then proceed to hear him and his parents go at it. He told Niall about his mom telling him about being head over heels in love with his father so head over heels that she didn’t even go to college just so that they could start a family together. He told Niall about how she told him that way back when they were the couple that made their friends gag with how cute they were.

And most of all Harry told Niall that their relationship absolutely positively scared the crap out of him. He told Niall that he’d never wanted to stay up all night with someone before, he told Niall about how when something good or bad happened in his day Niall was the first he’d text, he told Niall about how sometimes when he was out he’d see something in a store and it reminded him of Niall so he’d take a picture and he wouldn’t even bother sending it to Niall because it was his Niall-thing, and then he told Niall about how their fights made him feel.

He told Niall about this undying fear of becoming like their parents of becoming wrecked and ruined of never speaking to each other again, of courteous Happy birthday and Merry Christmas calls if they happened to feel like it that year, he told Niall that what he feared most was losing him over something stupid. And Niall didn’t know if it was supposed to make him feel good but it just made him feel fucking wrecked and panicked.

Maybe it was the aftermath of their fight but hearing Harry over the phone sounding so vulnerable and sad made Niall mortified and embarrassed because he’d been a bad boyfriend and he’d been everything he had promised himself not to be but it made him want to be better. For them… for Harry.

And when they finally saw each other again at the end of March Niall felt like their forevers had just been written in stone.

**Author's Note:**

> also anybody out there know how graduations work in switzerland? is it the same thing as american graduations i mean i could just google it but hearing it from an actual swiss person would give me more insight. help! hahaha.
> 
> and title from strawberry swing by coldplay and the song mentioned in the story is maps by the yeah yeah yeahs


End file.
